“An abusive relationship destroys the soul of a person, but healing begins when you think to work on yourself with love, courage, and self-kindness.”
In this abusive relationship, the healing journey of a person requires huge patience, courage, and self-compassion. If you are reading this blog you are now taking an essential step toward rebuilding your life and happiness. Though this path towards recovery can be devastating, it is important to know that self-healing is possible and the one who suffered a lot in an abusive relationship deserves a peaceful life. In this blog, we will discover some significant pieces of the puzzle that can help you heal and reclaim your life after getting rid of an abusive relationship.
Recognition and Acknowledgment of your sufferings:
The first step to healing is to understand if you are in an abusive relationship. Abuse can be of several types—emotional, physical, financial, or psychological —and the fact is any form of abuse is harmful. Many abusive survivors couldn’t accept what they have been through, particularly when the abuse they went through was not physical.
Hence, acknowledgment is the first step. It involves noticing your pain. Associating a label such as ‘Abuse’ might be extremely overwhelming and sometimes even might seem overly exaggerated.
Having support, particularly professional help who holds expertise, allows you to see things as they are, and allows you to acknowledge that yes I was hurt; yes what I went through, was abuse; I am in an abusive relationship.
“Abusive relationships can make you feel trapped, but learning how to heal from an abusive relationship empowers you to rebuild your life with courage and resilience.” At Self Pivot, we help you Heal from abusive relationships so you can rebuild and find lasting peace
Accepting, Grieving and Rebuilding:
When a person has grown up in an environment where their self was constantly invalidated and they felt unsafe; maltreatment gets normalized. This leads the person to minimize the severity of their experience. If others consistently invalidate their emotions and deny their truths, it can lead a person not only to self-blame but also to confusion. The confusion transcends the situation, it tends to affect every single decision made in life. Was I right to think this way?
It’s hard to accept that what they had faced was not their fault and that they deserve better. One can go through a period of immense anxiety, hurt, as well as resistance to reality and change. Because changing would mean losing what little is present; the loss of people, the loss of that part of oneself who still hopes to be validated and loved by the same people.
Accepting your pain is going through a range of emotions, and building a new set of skills. It is not about remembering the past but about observing and identifying it so that you can move on to healthier relationships.
Finding your sense of self:
Abuse can threaten and change how you perceive yourself. It can question your self-esteem and self-worth. Exploring and uncovering one’s assumptions and feelings associated with that is a major piece of the puzzle.
While the journey of working on one’s self-worth requires a lot of exploration and processing, one can always start with simple steps,
For instance, choosing one’s hobbies or favorite activities that were kept aside or neglected throughout the relationship. It can help you to meet the earlier version of yourself and revive your strengths. Whether it’s refreshing an old hobby, or learning new things that give you happiness, these activities can lift your confidence.
Affirmations can also be powerful for many. Setting reminders for yourself that you are strong enough and worthy of love, can help work through the deep-rooted negative thoughts from your relationship.
Forgiving yourself:
As one starts processing trauma, it can bring a lot of anger towards oneself as well as regret of not taking appropriate action before, or not making a wise decision with relationships; or ignoring one’s intuition. It is very normal to experience that.
However one must note that such emotions also arise more when we see them in retrospect. In the present perhaps we have the insight that we didn’t before. This could lead to us judging ourselves.
In those times it is important to remember not just your action but also your context. For example, if one grows up in an environment with poor role models, it is only natural to see the world through that lens.
When one perceives the context, as well as when one sees their past self as someone who didn’t know better and did whatever was necessary to survive, forgiveness comes easier.
Being Compassionate towards yourself:
Healing is not as simple and straight a path as it looks. There may be some days you can feel an improvement, and other days you may feel yourself caught in the past. In such a state of mind, you need to be patient with yourself. It’s okay if you have hold-ups or delays in healing.
Cheer yourself at every initial step forward. On hard days, remember it’s okay to take a pause. Healing is all about a journey, not a race.
While going through all of it, at the end of the day what you deserve is humanity.
Setting Healthy Boundaries:
The biggest skill-building required when healing from an abusive relationship is setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
Saying no and sticking to your opinion, choices or decisions can be hard, specifically when your boundaries were unnoticed or encouraged earlier. But setting strong limits is critical to retrieving your agency. It could be maintaining the distance from the abuser, withdrawing from shallow relationships, or simply being attentive towards yourself and giving yourself time; boundaries play a key role in healing.
Remember, you have the right to recognize, and decide your needs and well-being without guilt. The process of setting boundaries might mean navigating through a part of anxiety, but at the end of the tunnel lies your true authentic self.
Seeking Support:
Humans are not designed to live in isolation. When one realizes that they have been surviving through so much, one loses faith in people. They feel like they have to take extreme steps, and that too all by themselves. But that need remains the need to be loved, understood, and supported. Denying that means you are depriving yourself once again.
Finding safe spaces to converse, be it support groups, comfortable friends, or professional support, is crucial. Therapists, for instance, can offer strategies to work through your emotions, rebuild your sense of self-worth, and establish healthy boundaries in your life. Numerous helplines and organizational platforms actively help abuse survivors and offer counseling.
Sharing your inner fear with those you can feel trustworthy to keep yourself away from being isolated and silent. In addition, it can provide you with important resources, necessary to pick yourself up.
Back to basics:
Going through an abusive relationship, it’s natural to feel both physically and emotionally shattered. People need to pay attention to self-care. It includes taking thoughtful steps to foster your body, mind, and soul.
Remember to start with minor acts of self-care—getting sufficient sleep, eating nutritious food, and engaging yourself in some physical activities you like. These small acts can have a greater impact on your well-being and help you feel normal and control your life.
Besides physical care, emotional as well as psychological self-care is important too. Engage yourself in activities that make you happy and provide you peace, it can be reading, drawing, spending some time in nature, or being involved in meditation. Get some time for yourself and give yourself the space to engage in the things that makes you happy and satisfied.
Moving towards a desired future:
When one heals from such adverse experiences, they come out feeling tons of different emotions, going through a period of learning and trying new approaches to life, perceiving things differently. But all of this is incomplete until this learning is connected to the future.
What kind of life do you want to lead going forward?; what kind of relationships do you want going forward?; what would your routine look like? Who would be part of your circle? What would you do differently?
Once you start answering such questions, you automatically have a renewed sense of identity and meaning.
There might still be some days tougher than the other or days when you cannot function as you would like to, but what you have gained now will always be with you.
Conclusion:
“Toxic relationships don’t define you—healing is a powerful step toward taking back your life and finding peace.”
Healing from the trauma of an abusive relationship is hard, but it’s empowering. Taking lessons from your past abusive relationship helps to recognize your preferences from your experiences. Taking someone’s support and working on self-care can help you rebuild your strength and confidence.
Healing may take a lot of time, and seeking help is okay. You deserve care, love, respect, and a peaceful life. Keep focused on moving forward and then you are not away from your brighter days. While healing from an abusive relationship is crucial, preparing for couples therapy can also be an important step in rebuilding and strengthening relationships.
In this blog, we have offered practical advice and inspiration to help you in your healing journey, with a gentle tone.