Why You Feel Behind (And Why It Was Sold to You)
Truth be told, you are not the first person to ask “why do I feel behind in life?”. But, does it ever make you question why so many of us are feeling this exact same way?
It is because everyone is being fed the same story: that you need to follow the same pathway. Irrespective of whether you agree with it or not, you are forced into the race.
What is interesting about this race is that no one looks at the starting point.
Why Do I Feel Behind in Life? (Look at Your Real Start Line)
When you ask yourself, “why do I feel behind in life”, you are often ignoring your actual start line- how you grew up, the emotional wounds you carried, financial realities, and the systemic factors around you. When you consider these, it becomes easier to feel kinder and more compassionate towards yourself.
However, when you see everything as an individual problem, society and industries profit from you. That insecurity, that something is inherently wrong with you, is what drives you to overcompensate in work, academics, and relationships.
The Illusion of Expectations: Social Media and Self-Worth
A major driver of anxiety from comparisons is a lie we have been told: that the exception is the rule.
Yes, there are success stories, and some people hit milestones that get rewarded faster than others. But that is the exception. What is rarely shown online is the actual journey. You see someone on platforms where social media and self worth get tangled together, and you aspire to be that. But the reality behind it is rarely visible, so you assume you are not there yet.
We also carry this transactional belief that if you do this, you get that, assuming that after every struggle, a reward must automatically follow. When that doesn’t happen on a quick timeline, we assume we are failing.
We believe in a “happily ever after” once we achieve a specific goal, but life doesn’t work that way. It comes with every single nuance. When looking at capitalism and mental health India, so no set of standards is ever enough if our goals are driven by assumptions sold in movies, social media, and the environments we live in.
The Myth of the “All-Rounder”
There is also this idea that you have to be perfect in every single way, but that is a myth.
You can be great at academics, but struggle in emotional interactions. You can be great at dance, but find formal education tough. You can build great relationships, but face trouble at work. The expectation to have a fully packaged, all-rounder experience is completely unrealistic.
So What is the Real Message Here?
If everyone comes with a context, there is no single parameter to judge. As I recall telling one of my clients: you don’t grow in labs where chemicals can be balanced.
We do what we can, open ourselves up to different ways forward, and learn to have empathy for our imperfections.
If you are navigating these heavy expectations, and work through this with a therapist in Kolkata or a clinical psychologist in Kolkata, know that unlearning is possible.
An Experiment to Start With
Notice all the places where you expect total perfection in your day-to-day life:
In the food you eat.
In a post that your not-so-popular friend is sharing.
In how you expect your entire day to pan out.
Ask yourself: Where can empathy grow here? Where can a pre-set rule shift to what is actually helpful to you, rather than what gets rewarded by others?
Rewriting the Story Together
When you discuss these things within a community, you realize that these internal narratives can shift when we do it together. We hold each other accountable to be kind to ourselves, unlearn in small steps, and find better alignment with who we want to be.
Join the Tribe as this month, we work directly with the narratives we hold about ourselves.